Donald Trump's criminal hush-money trial resumed in New York on Monday, and "in a twist no one saw coming, he remained conscious", joked Stephen Colbert on The Late Show. Judge Juan Merchan once again held Trump in contempt of court for violating his gag order barring him from speaking publicly about the case. “Again? I've got deja woohoo,” said Colbert.
This marks Trump's 10th violation of the gag order; one more, and the judge said he would have to consider a jail sanction, drawing cheers from Colbert's audience. "Donald Trump could go to Rikers Island," he said. "My condolences to whatever prison guard has to conduct the cavity search. Wear a headlamp.”
At a fundraiser at Mar-a-Lago over the weekend, Trump paraded some of his potential running mate picks on stage, commenting on both their strengths and weaknesses. “He's picking his vice-president Bachelor-style,” Colbert remarked before breaking out his Trump impression: “I really enjoyed our one-on-one time in the fantasy Oval Office, Marco Rubio. Will you accept this noose?”
One likely also-ran for the job is the South Dakota governor, Kristi Noem, who triggered backlash last week for the admission in her memoir that she killed her puppy Cricket for being disobedient. Further excerpts from her book "don't make her look less like Cruella De Vil", said Colbert.
In a later chapter, Noem talks about Joe Biden's German shepherd, Commander, who has a history of biting Secret Service agents. Noem said if she were president, "the first thing I'd do is make sure Joe Biden's dog was nowhere on the grounds (Commander, say hello to Cricket for me)".